Chasing a Mirage

Chasing a Mirage
In the twenty-first century, human beings have achieved remarkable progress in technology. Yet, while running after technological advancement, people are gradually drifting away from one another. Meaningful communication is declining, and this distance is often visible even between marriageable young men and women and their parents.
As we discussed in the previous chapter, searching for marriage proposals without first obtaining the consent of the bride or groom can be a painful experience. Therefore, once parents receive a preliminary approval from their son or daughter to begin the search for a life partner, the next important step is to understand their expectations. In arranged marriages, expectations are natural and unavoidable.
When the marriage process begins, it is essential for both the prospective bride or groom and their parents to evaluate their personal expectations. Young people should clearly understand what qualities they expect in a future spouse, while parents should identify the qualities they would like to see in a future son-in-law or daughter-in-law. Open discussion on these matters is extremely important.
Many parents make great efforts to search for suitable matches through marriage bureaus, matrimonial websites, and community gatherings. However, when their son or daughter rejects every proposal that comes their way, tensions begin to build within the family. What starts as a search for a partner can soon turn into a family conflict.
I would like to share a real-life example. Varun's parents tirelessly searched for suitable matches through every possible source. Yet Varun rejected almost every proposal. Sometimes the girl's education was not good enough, sometimes her height was not sufficient, and at other times he objected to her complexion. There was always some reason for rejection. This continued for seven or eight years. Eventually, his parents became exhausted. Even when Varun liked a proposal, rejections from the other side often led to emotional stress and disappointment.
A similar situation occurred with Suvarna from Pune. Now in her forties, she and her family had been searching for a groom for nearly seventeen years. When she was younger, both she and her parents had built a mountain of expectations. Suvarna was attractive, fair, tall, cheerful, and naturally stood out in a crowd. As a result, she believed she deserved nothing less than perfection. She dreamed of finding her own "Mr. Perfect" and set extremely high standards for a future husband.
However, the perfect prince she imagined never appeared. As time passed, signs of age became visible in her appearance, and her parents too grew older and emotionally tired. Her brother and sister-in-law eventually found her unmarried status becoming a challenge within the family environment.
Even today, Suvarna continues to receive proposals. Yet she rejects them for various reasons. One man's salary package is not impressive enough. Another is not settled in Pune. Someone has thinning hair, another has gained weight, one belongs to a joint family, and another has too much age difference. Trapped in a web of unrealistic expectations, Suvarna has become so deeply entangled that finding a way out seems increasingly difficult.
Many Varuns and Suvarnas exist around us. They spend years chasing a mirage created by their own expectations. Unfortunately, they often realize too late that a mirage can never satisfy their thirst. By the time reality dawns upon them, valuable years have already passed. At that stage, they may be forced to make far greater compromises than they would have had to earlier.
Having expectations regarding marriage is not wrong. However, it is important to ensure that those expectations do not become exaggerated or unrealistic. Parents play a crucial role in this process. Before beginning the search for a suitable match, the prospective bride or groom and their family members should sit together and openly discuss their expectations.
If necessary, parents should help their children understand reality rather than encouraging unrealistic demands. To break free from the maze of expectations, transparent communication between young people and their parents is essential.
Parents should certainly express their opinions regarding their children's expectations. However, they must also be careful not to impose their views or create bitterness in relationships. When mutual understanding, respect, and open communication are maintained, the journey of finding a suitable life partner can begin on a positive and healthy note.